How many have laid waste to your life when you weren’t aware of what you were losing, how much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements–how little of your own was left to you. You will realize you are dying before your time!
–Seneca, On The Brevity of Life, 3.3b (quote found in The Daily Stoic; the following reflections are my own).
Life is short. How often have you heard that phrase? I know it may not always feel like it, but when I take a high-level view of my life, the pace by which it has all gone is staggering. As a parent, I look at my kids and marvel, “How did you get so big [or old, smart, capable, etc.]?” Still, I have days that seem to go by sooooooooo sloooooooooowly. How can that be?
Well, maybe this quote from Seneca can help us understand this paradox. When we look back on our lives, we typically don’t dwell on the mundane. We see the big picture. When we look at our kids, we don’t see the hundreds (if not thousands) of diapers we changed, all the messes we cleaned up, or all the sleepless nights we endured. We see a little boy or little girl who once fit on our forearms, and now (at least in the case of my oldest) can climb up onto the counter to sneakily (in actuality: not sneakily at all) grab some crackers from the cabinet.
When we step out of the moment and gain perspective, we see a person who has made tremendously rapid progress given the amount of time that’s passed. We’re left to wonder, “How did that happen?” and “When did that happen?”
We get caught up in so much…crap, day-to-day, that when we snap out of it, we’re dazed by how we got to where we are. Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Hey! Was John Hughes a Stoic in disguise? Amazing!
Anyway, we often go through our daily lives without looking around. We get caught up in minutiae. We cry over spilled milk (literally and figuratively)! We devote attention, time, and energy to things that, in the long run, won’t matter too much. This devotion creates a fog–a time warp. It takes our attention from the moment, and the things that really matter, and diverts it to something that just…doesn’t.
This pursuit of the insignificant can be grueling while it’s happening (which is what makes time move so slowly). But because they carry no real importance, they don’t stick with us (which is why, perhaps, in retrospect, time seems to move so quickly). It’s like our life is a 45-minute commute, and we spend it zoning out, worrying about some upcoming project, or how much we hate that one guy on our team that won’t stop talking about keto who chews with his mouth open, and always needs to be bailed out because he can’t handle his own work. When we finally get to work, we think, “Wait. How did I get here?”
Wild stuff, huh? Well, that sounds like trouble to me. I have limited time, energy, and resources, and frankly, I think I’ve been spending them on too many things that just make no difference, with culprit number one being worry. No more! It’s time to take back my time and my life! How do I do that? By focusing my resources on the things that matter, and cutting out the things that don’t.
Every moment, I have a choice. What will I be focused on? What will earn my attention? What will get my time? If I don’t actively choose, the choice will be made for me. Worry, social pressure, unproductive escapism, and temporary impulse placation are all vying for a piece. If I don’t make a choice, one, if not all, of these competitors for my time will grab it. And each time this happens, a chunk of my life is lost.
I need to take this choice seriously. Every day. Every moment. I also have an immense responsibility as a parent to help my kids take this choice seriously–to take ownership of their lives. Sure, there are a whole lot of things outside of their control. But there’s plenty within it, and it’s important that they are intentional, mindful, and present with those things that are.
Each day, we choose that to which we give our limited time. Only in teaching them to approach this choice with intention and focus do I ensure that the time they spend is on their life rather than on the mundane distractions of everyday life. Only then will I be encouraging them to live lives aligned with their strengths, interests, and purpose.
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