Preparing My Boys To Live Free

What is the fruit of these teachings? Only the most beautiful and proper harvest of the truly educated–tranquility, fearlessness, and freedom. We should not trust the masses who say only the free can be educated, but rather the lovers of wisdom who say that only the educated are free.

–Epictetus, Discourses, 2.1.21-23a (quote found in The Daily Stoic; the following reflections are my own).

Let me tell you something about Epictetus you might not know. He was a slave. So, when he says, “We should not trust the masses who say only the free can be educated, but rather the lovers of wisdom who say that only the educated are free,” we should take notice. Alright, cool. What does it mean?

First, freedom is not a necessary condition of being educated. Rather, being educated is a necessary condition of being free. Second, there are likely two types of freedom Epictetus is referring to: a) bodily freedom; and b) mental freedom. 

For Epictetus, that which matters most is the latter. Bodily freedom is circumstantial–an external condition outside of one’s control. Mental freedom, on the other hand, is within the control of the individual. How one perceives his/her situation? How one acts in regards to his/her situation? Those are things one can determine for oneself. Now, without going too far down a Stoic wormhole, I think what Epictetus is trying to say is that mental freedom requires one to be educated. Or, put another way, if one is mentally free, one is necessarily educated. 

Given that, the education Epictetus is talking to might differ from education as we know it. For the Stoics, the goal for each of us is to live in accordance with the state of nature. As rational beings endowed with reason, this means maximizing our capacity to reason, and doing this requires us to live virtuously. 

We know what we can control and what we cannot. We determine our outlook, attitude, and actions, regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes that even requires us to check our own desires–irrational compulsions that compel us to act irrationally, or even in direct conflict with our reason. 

This is the education Epictetus talks about. In that way, it’s not externally provided, but rather self-determined. We decide. We act. And if we do so right and well, we are free of distress and fear. This education is a full development of our nature–a full development of our ability to reason. 

As a parent, I’m thinking about a couple things. First, I have to do the work of continuing to educate myself. I need to put in the time to develop my reason, and to live my nature. In a purely Stoic sense, those two things are one and the same. Stretching this idea a bit further, though, I need to put in the time and effort to continue to understand myself, how nature has constructed me, and how to live in alignment with that. This will allow me to be the fullest version of myself, and, likely, the most content version of myself, which would pay dividends to those around me. An aligned husband and dad is one living his purpose with satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment. 

Second, I have to do the work to educate my kids. Certainly, by modeling that myself I’m setting a good example for my kids to emulate. Still, modeling will likely not be enough. I need to be vigilant to ensure that my kids develop in accordance with their respective natures. What do they enjoy? What are they good at? What gives them energy? What lights them up? How do they spread light? These are the questions I have to consistently ask. The answers will help me prepare them to live in alignment with who they are. In addition, I have to ensure that my kids understand what is within their control, and how to act appropriately within that realm of control; not to lament external circumstances. 

Sometimes, we conflate school with education, but here’s the thing: I don’t know too many schools that explicitly teach what we’re talking about. Which means I, as a parent, need to enrich my kids’ educational experiences to ensure that my boys receive an education that produces the mental freedom Epictetus is talking about here. Will it be hard? Of course! Will I be setting my kids up to live fulfilling lives full of satisfaction? I think so. Which means it’ll be worth it.

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