Job Hunting After Staying at Home With Your Kids

Considering Work Outside the Home

A few weeks ago, I got word of a job opportunity. Intrigued, I clicked on the link, and gave it some thought. Over the next couple days, I decided to take my chances and throw my name in the hat. I’ve been home with my kids for about two-and-a-half years now, which also means my wife has been the primary breadwinner during that time. 

I bring in some cash, and, actually, the last couple years has been decent in my ability to do freelance/contract/consulting work. Still, when it comes to feeling the day-to-day pressure of bringing home the bacon, that duty falls squarely on my wife’s shoulders.

Needless to say, that’s a lot to put on one person. So, having seen a job that appealed, I thought it might be time for us to consider switching roles. Now, let me be clear here: I’m not committed to traditional gender roles in the family, by any stretch. I’m not miserable bucking trends as a stay-at-home dad. I don’t find a piece of my personal identity, or identity as a man, missing because I haven’t been going to work (outside the home) for the last couple years.

I also don’t have any issues with my wife working or making more money than I do. I actually think it’s great. I just know that I’ve been lucky to have had the opportunity to spend time with my boys, that my wife’s working outside the home has provided me with that opportunity, and that my wife might appreciate that same opportunity too. That’s it. So, I applied. We can’t even consider a role switch without a job for me to slide into, right? Right. 

The job would be a step up from a couple roles I’ve had in the past–both as a full-time staffer, and as a consultant. Still, they were roles that aligned. Roles that required me to build. Roles that required me to lead. Roles where I proved myself capable of delivering competitively impressive results. Would this step up be a challenge? Yes. Was I up to it? Absolutely. In fact, a former boss (and current client), who had helped in the hiring of the same role, pushed me to think of myself as a strong candidate, and to get ready for an interview.

The Letdown

An interview wouldn’t happen. Instead, I received two emails. The first, a personal email, read, “…We have a strong pool and I don’t think your experience will be competitive, so I’m going to reject your application.” The second was a canned email response from HR. Pfffffffff.

Well, I gave it a shot. I guess I wasn’t seasoned enough, or skilled enough, or experienced enough, or smart enough, or…something enough. I knew it. Before getting rejected, I told my former boss I wasn’t holding my breath for an interview. She stayed positive and encouraging, though. And it wasn’t in a patronizing, or unrealistically hopeful way, either. She genuinely believed I was a strong candidate. I could tell. Some of you might say, “Well, your doubt willed a rejection into existence. You gotta think positively.” Maybe you’re right. I mean, I know you’re right about my needing to think positively. Next time.

The Analysis

I can’t just leave it there, though. Me being me, my brain started thinking about how tough getting a job can be. Then, I thought of my former boss’ positivity. Then, I started considering how difficult it likely will be to score that first offer after being out of the full-time workforce for 30 months (and counting). Ugh. Geez.  

I feel like I’ve done a nice job keeping my professional skill-set sharp over the last couple years with the freelance/consulting/entrepreneurial things I’ve been up to. My resume doesn’t really convey that I’ve been out of the game at all. The thing is, it invariably comes up. What have you been up to? Why’d you leave your last position? What prompted you to start your own business? 

These are all questions that, when answered truthfully, reveal my role as a parent, and my (at least) part-time absence from employment. It doesn’t take a lot to peep my resume or social media profiles, click once or twice, arrive at Philosophy of Dad, and see what I’ve been up to. So, I’m left to wonder: Was my experience not competitive because I’ve been staying at home with my kids? 

I really have no way of knowing. Perhaps the applicant pool was full of individuals far more accomplished than I am. Maybe my results weren’t all that stellar after all. Perhaps my resume did a bad job of conveying the value I bring. It could be that a proactive call was made to a past colleague (since the industry is pretty tight-knit), and the reference conversation determined that I wouldn’t be a fit for the role. Still, it might have something to do with me staying at home with my kids. I’ll never know for sure. Until I land a full-time job, though, that will always be a worry. Is it right? I don’t know. Is it fair? Might not be. But it’s there, nonetheless. 

Taking Control

The reality is, I’m not alone. According to some studies, 18% (nearly 1 in 5) of the parent population is of the stay-at-home variety. Chances are, most of them were employed before they became parents. Which suggests the possibility of them wanting to return to work at some point after staying at home with their kids. These are people with a richness of experience that have honed some pretty remarkable skills and attributes.

If I told you that a top-performer had left their job to enhance their focus, patience, drive, resolve, ingenuity, and leadership, while building their influencing, problem-solving, organization, crisis management, logistics, communication and training/development skills, you might think they went to business school or something. Maybe they became a management consultant for a couple years. The chances that you’d think, “Oh, that’s a stay-at-home parent” are remote. And yet, that’s what stay-at-home parenting has enhanced in me, and countless others. Add those attributes and skills to the list of industry-specific skills we possess(ed), and you have a set of pretty remarkable candidates. 

I’m not a great salesperson, especially when the product is me. Moving forward, I need to be better. I’ve grown a lot over the last-couple years–and acquired marketable skills. If I proceed in looking for a job outside the home, I need to convey that. Far too often, I let other people’s perceptions, steeped in stereotypes, define my experience. No more! I own my story, navigate my path, and interpret my journey. And whether I stay at home with my kids for another 10 years, go back to school, re-join my former industry, embark into a new one, or set my sights on my own business, I must always remember that.  

If you find yourself reading this in a similar position, I encourage you to remember it too. Don’t let the perceptions of others pigeon-hole you for the rest of your life. Your experience is too rich; too varied; too valuable. Take control of where you’ve been, what you’ve done, and who you are. Let others see it. Don’t give them any choice but to take you seriously for whatever role you take on next. We have that control, and we can’t be afraid to exercise it.

Header image provided by Pixabay.